Hey Friends,
In today’s age when our most of the time is spend on screens, it has become challenging to build real relationship with your loved ones. To develop a long term relationship it’s important to focus on building Relationship Intelligence rather than only paying attention to Emotional Intelligence. If you are wondering what is Relational Intelligence,I would say it is our ability to connect, and stay connected, with the people around us.
Mutual Satisfaction and Frustration Zone
Its completely natural for healthy relationships to go through cycles between Mutual Satisfaction and Frustration from time to time, which is all perfectly fine as long as you keep learning and improving your understanding of each other and don’t get stuck or set up camp in the Frustration zone. In Desperation, the oxygen in the relationship is running out and typically people are ill-equipped to breathe life back in again, on their own.
Desperation is toxic. Differences are misunderstood, needs are mostly unmet, and the likely experience is one of tension, frequent conflicts and an unending cycle of unmet expectations followed by disappointment, followed by negative reactions on either side, causing the relationship to spiral downwards. Also Isolation is no good because it is a place where no one wins. People ‘check out’ physically and/or mentally. They tend to leave work, families and friendships.
Before we step into four key habits, we must create and efficiently manage our Emotional Bank Account. This is important to create the foundation for successful relationships. If you make more withdrawals than deposits your relationship will struggle. Keeping a healthy balance really helps. However, any relationships on two dimensions and its status can be viewed from two dimensions:
- Motivation – How motivated are you to maintain and improve this relationship?
- Ability – How able are you to maintain and improve this relationship?
Building Emotional Bank Account
- Successful relationships are built upon a healthy emotional bank account.
- You need to be aware of the behaviours that make deposits or withdrawals from the bank account.
- When you have the balance right it creates a healthy foundation for good relationships.
- If you have a challenging relationship focus on topping up the emotional bank account first.
When the bank account is low you need to ask this fundamental question:
‘Do I really care enough to put in the effort to maintain or improve this relationship?’
However, developing certain habits can help you building solid relationships.Lets take a deep dive into them.
Habit #1: BE CURIOUS, not critical
This habit is all about developing our self-awareness (and other-awareness!) through understanding fundamental differences, learning to give each other ‘space and grace’ to shine in our own strengths, and overcoming the frustration of unmet expectations.
Habit #2: BE CAREFUL, not crushing
This one is all about self-management, building strong skills in managing conflict, learning to treat each other well no matter how heated the argument, and working toward genuine resolutions so that relationships are strengthened not damaged through conflict.
Habit #3: ASK, don’t assume
This habit is all about developing the social skills to build mutual trust and respect in relationships by clarifying values, having courageous conversations about things that really matter to us when necessary and overcoming the hurdles of mistrust and distance that can creep into relationships.
Habit #4: CONNECT, before you correct
This one is all about learning to build great rapport, warmth and connection in relationships by consistently communicating appreciation and love in meaningful ways and overcoming the hurdle of feeling unvalued because of poor communication.
What is the Heart of Successful Relationships
There are few things which are central To any relationship –
- Commitment to ongoing efforts in building your understanding of each other.
- Being more understanding in your responses.
- Choosing to act and show appreciation in meaningful, specific ways.
So, next time you face a challenge without a clear path forward, ask yourself: “What is the health of my EBA ( Emotional Bank Account )?” This will likely involve curiosity, experimentation, understanding human behaviour and being comfortable with not knowing… yet!
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